Holding my breath

I spent the majority of Saturday printing out the sequel to The Silver Spoon and praying. Sounds like I'm being flippant, but I'm not. There is nothing more terrifying than knowing you've done all you can do, you've given all that you have within you to make a good story, and then confronting the final product. Will it suck or not suck? Will all your blood, sweat, tears and countless hours mean something? Or will it be four hundred pages of loosely connected scenes that make no sense?

The good news is that, in my very humble opinion, it does not suck. And let me tell you before somebody blasts me for false modesty, I was truly and utterly scared that it would. Mainly because I didn't know how to make it better--all I knew was that I'd given it all I had. I'm still scared that I won't be able to make the fixes required (and there are a few) in a manner that won't stand out as an obvious "fix." I'm also terrified that I might be the only one who finds it to be an enjoyable story, but that is another obstacle to be conquered at another time.

This not-sucking business is not to say that you'll love the book if you read it. I hope you will. Both read it and love it. *grin* But right now, my satisfaction with it is based more on the technical side of things, I guess. The story accomplishes what it was supposed to accomplish. The pieces fit together and it's, for lack of a better term, solidly constructed. It makes sense from beginning to end. At least, that's what I think. My final opinion, of course, cannot be rendered until I hear what everyone else thinks about it! What makes sense to me might very well be mass confusion for everyone else. But I hope not.

Right now, I'm in the process of writing up my master list of all the problems to be fixed. Some of them are more decisions than problems, I guess, but all of them have an impact on the story. I'm more than halfway through with putting together the list. As I kind of expected, the list is much more extensive for the beginning chapters and the end chapters. I still tend to flail in the beginning and at the end, I'm in such a rush that I miss certain obvious things.

Then I've actually got to sit down and start making the changes. Ick. Hate that part too. I can never tell if I'm making a problem better or worse, which is why my first readers always get a list of annoying questions from me. Did you notice this? Did you have questions about that? I'm lucky they put up with me. It's one thing to read a book, it's quite another to hand-hold the author through recommended changes. *grin*

My goal is to have the manuscript to RuneStone by December 1. That doesn't give me, or the poor first readers, very much time, so I'll have to hurry along as fast as I can. Hopefully that will keep from agonizing too much over the fixes. I'd very much like to have the sequel--have to think of a name for it--published in time for RT in May, assuming that RuneStone likes and accepts it, but we'll see.

I hope this entry doesn't seem arrogant or boasting or anything. I'm just so excited and relieved that it turned out to be all right. That--God willing--it won't involve another complete draft from scratch. And I'm writing this for myself too so that when I'm at this stage again with another book, I'll remember that the long hours, blood, sweat and tears can be worth it.

Random assortment of things...

-You know that slip of paper that comes on the front of your checkbook so that you can reorder your checks? The one that pretty much lets you change it to be whatever address and spelling of your name you want it to be? Yeah, I almost mailed that thing to Amazon.com today. I had assembled a package with a book to return and only a chance re-reading of the return instructions had me re-opening the package to include some bar code printout they wanted. While arranging everything in there again, I opened the book and discovered I'd placed said checkbook slip inside, probably to keep it from blowing away when I came into the building, and completely forgotten about it. Yeah. Smart, right? I can't believe that I came so close to mailing that in. I don't know that any harm would have come from it. After all, your checking account number is on every check you write, but still. Big giant "duh" for me today.

-I'm going to print out the sequel this weekend. *deep breath* This is the part that always freaks me out. Inevitably there are parts of it that are better than I remember and parts that...aren't. But at least I'm not the only one struggling with the end of a book. Course, she has a lot more books and a lot more characters to keep track of! : ) Then again, maybe it's something in the air.

-And finally, the Geneva Lakes dog track (where Snostorm raced for three years) in Lake Geneva, WI is closing, and there are going to be many good dogs without homes. I know most of you probably already have family pets, but I thought I'd post this information in case you know of someone who may be considering a new pet. Greyhounds are very sweet, gentle dogs and they make great pets. Contrary to popular belief, they are not hyper, nervous animals. They're sprinters, so they burn off their energy in about a three minute romp. Then they spend the rest of the day sleeping! (Seriously. Why do you think the pictures of my dogs show them lying down?)

When they're not adopted, the greyhounds spend the rest of their lives in little 3 foot by 3 foot crates--such a sad life for such beautiful creatures. If you know someone who is interested or wants more information, please feel free to contact me or Greyhounds Only, one of several fine rescue organizations in the area. Greyhounds Only has a list of dogs available for adoption as well as some information about their racing history and temperament.

I mean, how can you resist these faces?

Recommended Reading!

Linnea Sinclair, an awesome writer and friend of mine, had her second book released yesterday from Bantam. This one is Gabriel's Ghost, her only book (that I know of) written in first person, so you know it has a special place in my heart. The kickass heroine, Chasidah Bergren (a Fleet captain), was wrongfully convicted on trumped up charges and sent to Moabar, a harsh prison planet. She's rescued, surprisingly, by one of her former antagonists, Sullivan, a roguish mercenary and smuggler whom she believed dead. He came to rescue her because he wants something from her...and it's not what you're thinking. Well, at least not just that. *grin* She has inside information he needs for a mission. Trouble is, he's also got a pretty big secret to hide from her, one that he believes will turn her away from him. Space may be infinite, but there's no place for these two to hide from each other, bound together as they are by circumstances, hidden agendas, and mutual attraction.

There's also a phenomenal cast of secondary characters in this novel (Ren!), so I highly encourage you to check it out. The link above in the book's title should take you to an excerpt, but you'll have to scroll down a little.

THE END!

I typed those words yesterday on the sequel, after about twelve hours and I'd say close to thirty pages. I'm still not quite done, of course. The second to last scene sort of peters out without any real conclusion and I've got to correct that. Not to mention going through the whole thing again and correcting for consistency, taking out all my little notes to myself and fixing the damn apostrophes that refuse to go the right way. But still it's done (almost)! I typed THE END and that counts for something. : ) The book is never really done until it's printed and then it's all about changes you would make if you could!

Also, it's over 400 pages long, though some of that may eventually be cut. We'll see : )

I'm just not that morbid.

I was going to write about the weird dream I had about monarch butterflies dying in my house, but then I decided that was just a little too strange...and kind of creepy. I also thought about writing about how I follow Quentin Tarrantino's advice on what to do when a police car is following you on the road (not chasing, no lights...just right behind you)--Sing loudly to yourself and act like you don't have a care in the world. Seems to work so far anyway...

But that seemed like a really strange thing to talk about, so, instead, I'm putting together a list (I love lists!) of sad truths I have learned about myself (blah, blah, blah, yes, it's all about me, where have you been, it's always about me! *grin*) in my three days of experimentation with my new hair cut:

1. I'm physically incapable of styling, curling, flat-ironing, or even blow-drying the back of my hair without conking myself in the head or burning my fingers.

2. My left hand sucks at pretty much everything required for hair styling, like using the brush, holding the blow-dryer at the appropriate angle, etc. (Except holding the pile of mousse, it does that pretty well.)

3. Using the mirror only confuses me. I end up blow-drying the wall behind me.

4. My understanding of how hair style products (or just "product") are used is dated from the late eighties, early nineties--mousse can be used for more than just making your hair crunchy, who knew!?!

5. I love mousse! No more hair puffiness...well, less hair puffiness, anyway.

And I think that's it for now...

Oh. Well.

Apparently, you can have the correct username and correct password, but it still will not work...if you're trying to use that information to access the wrong web site. *sheepish grin*

I was trying to re-up my domain name ownership and went to Network Services. Unfortunately for me, I actually purchased my domain name through Network Solutions. Fortunately, I figured this out by calming down slightly and thinking about it on the way home, instead of calling and bitching out some tech support person about their faulty password retrieval system and learning my mistake the really hard way. So...I guess long commutes are good for something at least : )

But I still have too many passwords and usernames to keep track of! Obviously, they're filling up valuable space in my brain that should be occupied by other information. *grin* Just wait, next week, I'll probably be complaining about how my house key doesn't work and then I'll realize I've been trying to get into the old house.

The sequel is still churning along. I've lost all perspective on its quality, or lack thereof, but that's what always happens near the end for me.

Hey, we're probably going to burn some of 9083487892345 million leaves in our yard this weekend. According to our neighbors, the previous previous residents (as in the ones twice removed from the house, if that makes sense) in our house actually set the hill behind our house on fire by attempting such a thing. So...that's something to look forward to, I guess.

Just get on with the retinal scan already!

I hate passwords. And usernames. I hate trying to remember which combination I put together for every damn website I belong to or buy products from. I understand they're trying to protect me, but most of the time, I think they're only protecting me from me! I know I'm right. I know have the username and I'm pretty sure I have the password right too, but it won't let me in. And none of their helpful "retrieve your password" or "retrieve your username" features seem to be working. Perhaps because I went on a total whim and selected an entirely random password and username once a million years ago, I don't know. #$%&*(*&*&#~!!!!!!

*sigh*

Attempting the impossible...

Yesterday I dragged out a folding chair, an old blanket, the cordless phone, my ipod and my AlphaSmart to the balcony on the front of our house. I sat out there for the better part of an hour (until it got too cold), happily typing away, watching the leaves blow around and listening to my music. It's amazing how much more I get done when I'm not distracted by everything in the house (which ranges from dirty dishes that make me feel guilty and mindless television that tempts me).

So very close to the end of the sequel. I'm at that point now (one I remember very clearly from writing the first book) where I'm alternately caught between worrying whether it's any good and not caring so long as it's done! Obviously, I won't let it out the door if I don't think it's put together well, so I should stop worrying about that part. Except, of course, that would mean fixing it in some way and at the moment, short of outside suggestions from my first readers (who will be recieving this soon, I hope!), it's pretty much as good as I can make it--story-wise--which does not always mean "good" in the general sense. But we'll see.

Got a haircut over the weekend and she gave me lots of lovely layers, which looked so nice when the hairdresser did it. I can never replicate that look. When she did my hair, the layers came out all smooth and shiny. When I did it...well, suffice it to say that when my husband got a good look at me this morning, he said, "Wow. It's, um, really...puffy in the back." Yeah, that went over well. I have a natural wave to my hair that does not behave unless tamed ferociously by a hair dryer, mousse and a lot of patience (as the hair dresser had and I do not).

So tonight, I'm going to attempt what I have not since probably high school. I'm actually going to buy some kind of styling product (something to make my hair less "puffy") and possible a flat iron as well. Here's hoping I make it through this ordeal without any major singed spots : )

So bad this week...

I've been a bad blogger this week. I hope it will be better next week. Focusing as much energy as I can on writing the last 50 or so pages of the sequel. In the meantime, I found this great article on MSNBC.com. It's actually a sermon from a columnist, Rabbi Gellman, for Yom Kippur. It's called "What God Made You Good At" and I loved what he had to say, especially for those of us who struggle with the dichotomy between what we love to do and what we do to earn money. Sometimes it feels like the world is forcing you to choose one or the other, and you wonder if you're being selfish by choosing what you love instead of what makes the most money. I like what he had to say. I'm actually going to write some of it out, in an effort to internalize it, and post it where I can see it here at work.

Have a good weekend everybody! Next week...pictures. Um, that is, if I can figure out how to get the pictures off the camera and resize them.

I just want to be done!

Still making slow but steady progress on the sequel (emphasis on the slow part). Arrggh. I'm so close now, which isn't helping. On the upside, I'm getting a few more ideas about book three. I know some stuff that's going to be happening, and as usual, it's the personal stuff that comes first. I see the definite beginnings of a triangle (well, another one, so what shape does that make?), which might not make some people very happy. I know it's going to make some of the characters a mite displeased. But hey, you push and you push, trying to get that big boulder up the mountain and down the other side, but once it starts rolling on its own, there's no guarantee it'll end up where you planned. Experiences, bad or good, change people, and you've got to expect that.

I think part of what's held me up so long with this sequel is the idea that I have to write the "right" story for it. I mean, really, there are any number of ways this story could go, some of them more interesting than others, but all of them valid. So how do you choose? What's making me feel better is that I've been able to stick pretty closely to the outline I made, which is very similar (plot point wise) to the second draft. The first draft was a little out there because I wrote it before I made major revisions to The Silver Spoon.

And on a totally unrelated note, I read a great book this weekend, Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. It's a vampire Young Adult novel, but anyone who likes vampire stories will enjoy it. Excellent reading. It flowed so naturally, none of those "yeah, right" moments. And I just read she got a $750,000 advance on her three book contract as a first-time novelist. The book is good so that makes the news much easier to swallow. And I remind myself that I don't work well under pressure. $750,000 is a lot of pressure. But it's also a lot of money. But good for her. The more first-time novelists are discovered by publishers, the better the odds are for the rest of us still struggling to be full-time writers.

So, that's it...

The decade has ended. : ) Actually, it happened at lunch today and I didn't even notice because I was too wrapped up reading my new Serenity book from Stacy G. Thanks, Stac! She'd also decorated my cube to within an inch of its beige, bland life with 30th birthday balloons and fake road signs, "Danger, falling body parts" and "Memory Detour." Which I loved : ) I'm going to leave it all up and hopefully it will still be here when I get back on Tuesday. I'd like to take some pictures of it with my new digital camera!

My husband gave me the camera this morning before work. I'm excited to be able to use it, even though I am a TERRIBLE photographer. I hope to be able to now show you the things I'm talking about, especially the weird things I see on the road.

The sequel is not yet finished, but I'm darn close. In fact, I'm so close, I'm trying really hard not to rush through it just to reach the end. I'll still have to do some clean up and moving around even after the draft is done, but it shouldn't be much longer. Setting a deadline was the best thing I could have done, even though I'm not going to quite make it. It really made me get into gear to get it finished.

I'm off to dinner now. Haven't decided yet where we're going. Have a great weekend everybody. Thanks for all the birthday wishes. : )

Better today

My thanks to Stacy and everyone else who managed to talk me off of my ledge : ) I'm sure the thirties will be just fine. It just feels like a lot of pressure. 10 years to get your sh*t together, especially as it pertains to starting a family (if that's what one chooses to do). Less than 10 years for some of us. Which sounds like a long time, except that turning twenty doesn't feel all that long ago. *sigh* My childless, footloose and fancy-free days are numbered. Which I'm okay with except that I don't like feeling pushed into such a big decision by timing and biology.

Anyway, made more progress, inching forward on the sequel. It won't be done by day after tomorrow, but it's actually going to be pretty close, I think. I've still got one big question unresolved, sort hanging there in my mind, for the next section of the book. With this one, I don't know what's going to happen. I know what happened in the last draft. I know what I said would happen in the outline. But so far, the rest of the book is feeling like it should go another way. So, I'm really going to have feel this one out.

As much as I love getting close to the end of the book, I'd forgotten how much I hate it too. Especially in this situation, where the result will be (God willing) close to a final draft. It sounds weird, I know, but it's true. At the end, you just want to GET IT DONE. But there's also all this pressure to get it done RIGHT. You have the whole weight of the almost finished book bearing down on you and you can't allow the desire to finish quickly to skew your course, if that makes sense. So, that's another pressure. Got to finish it fast and got to finish it right. Ick. Can't believe I forgot about this part. In fact, thinking back now, I believe last time I attempted to fool myself by telling myself I had more pages to complete than I actually did. When I was five pages from the end, I'd tell myself I had at least fifteen or twenty more to go, just so I could relax enough to write those pages.

Don't get me wrong, I love writing. But sometime I wonder if there's any part of it that doesn't involve intense prayer, self-deception and enormous amounts of courage. In other words, is there ever an easy part to it? Hmm. I think I'm still waiting to find that part : ) Actually, I think writing the first draft is the closet thing to that experience. Just letting go and having a blast. Course, usually the voice in the back of your mind is reminding you that you're just going to have to clean it up later, but if you can tune that annoying voice out, it's golden for a short blissful time. : ) I love first drafts. Can't wait to start a new one.

Blah

I just wrote a whole post about not handling my upcoming birthday (as well as a bunch of other stuff going on) very well and found it too depressing to even read it back to myself. So, I deleted it. I find I have trouble writing these entries when I'm a little low. I know, I know, 30 isn't old, for those who are rolling their eyes at this. But it is the entrance to a decade where I thought I'd be a little more prepared, a little more settled, a little more grown up. Eh. Not so much. At least not yet.

Posting on the weekend?!?

Remember think about the positives, celebrate the good? 13 pages today!!! Just a little more than, actually. I have no idea what's going to happen tomorrow, but 13 pages. Woo-hoo!!!

Also, Joss Whedon is freaking unbelievable. I just handed over a bunch of money to him again, and boy, does he deserve it. I bought tickets for Serenity (LOVED it!) for the husband and me, and then promptly came home and purchased the DVD set. Dear God, that man is a truly magnificent writer. That's who I want to be when I grow up : ) I wish he taught classes because I don't know how he does it and does it so well, but I really want to learn. Not because of the success he has (though, that's a nice bonus) but just because of the amazing quality of his work. It never fails to touch me in some way. *sigh*