Better today

My thanks to Stacy and everyone else who managed to talk me off of my ledge : ) I'm sure the thirties will be just fine. It just feels like a lot of pressure. 10 years to get your sh*t together, especially as it pertains to starting a family (if that's what one chooses to do). Less than 10 years for some of us. Which sounds like a long time, except that turning twenty doesn't feel all that long ago. *sigh* My childless, footloose and fancy-free days are numbered. Which I'm okay with except that I don't like feeling pushed into such a big decision by timing and biology.

Anyway, made more progress, inching forward on the sequel. It won't be done by day after tomorrow, but it's actually going to be pretty close, I think. I've still got one big question unresolved, sort hanging there in my mind, for the next section of the book. With this one, I don't know what's going to happen. I know what happened in the last draft. I know what I said would happen in the outline. But so far, the rest of the book is feeling like it should go another way. So, I'm really going to have feel this one out.

As much as I love getting close to the end of the book, I'd forgotten how much I hate it too. Especially in this situation, where the result will be (God willing) close to a final draft. It sounds weird, I know, but it's true. At the end, you just want to GET IT DONE. But there's also all this pressure to get it done RIGHT. You have the whole weight of the almost finished book bearing down on you and you can't allow the desire to finish quickly to skew your course, if that makes sense. So, that's another pressure. Got to finish it fast and got to finish it right. Ick. Can't believe I forgot about this part. In fact, thinking back now, I believe last time I attempted to fool myself by telling myself I had more pages to complete than I actually did. When I was five pages from the end, I'd tell myself I had at least fifteen or twenty more to go, just so I could relax enough to write those pages.

Don't get me wrong, I love writing. But sometime I wonder if there's any part of it that doesn't involve intense prayer, self-deception and enormous amounts of courage. In other words, is there ever an easy part to it? Hmm. I think I'm still waiting to find that part : ) Actually, I think writing the first draft is the closet thing to that experience. Just letting go and having a blast. Course, usually the voice in the back of your mind is reminding you that you're just going to have to clean it up later, but if you can tune that annoying voice out, it's golden for a short blissful time. : ) I love first drafts. Can't wait to start a new one.