Finished 30 pages!

Last weekend, things came together on the proposal I've been working on. Once I got out of my own way (worrying about whether it was any good and if it would work), I finished three chapters. Then I finished the fourth one this weekend, which gives me about thirty pages, enough to be considered a proposal. Of course, I still have to write the synopsis, which for me is the hardest part.

The thing I'm struggling with the most on this one is that I'm really enjoying myself, letting my hair done and writing a shitty first draft (as Anne Lamott suggests). But I'm scared to pull everything together and send it in for official consideration because if it doesn't work for this particular opportunity (the reason I pushed this idea to the front of the development line, so to speak), I'm afraid I'll lose my passion and interest in it. I'll be too down on myself and the particular idea to keep going. I don't know...does that make sense?

That's why I prefer to finish the whole thing--or at least more than the first few chapters--before letting it go. When I've got the full book, I know that it's come together and I feel good about it, confident. If it doesn't meet specific needs, that's okay, but I've learned that doesn't necessarily speak to the quality of the story or writing.

But this...only a few chapters to stand for the whole thing. Eeeek. It just makes me a nervous wreck. Mainly because I'm acting on faith that it will all come together, just as it has in the past for other books. And yet, most books (other than the first few by an author) are sold on proposal versus the whole book being written (that's called writing on spec). So it's something I probably need to get used to.

Writing is, more than anything, an act of faith for me. And every time I think I've got it mastered--faith to write the next scene even if I don't know exactly what happens, faith to know that there's an ending for it even if I don't know it yet, faith to send it out, faith that I'm doing what I'm meant to do--there's another leap waiting for me. : )

So, okay, this is just the next leap. Time to close my eyes, take a deep breath and make the jump.