Aaaack!

My reading at the Red Lion pub is in just over a week (Chicago, November 22 at 7:30 p.m.)...and I'm worried. Worried about what, you ask?

How about:
--Tripping and falling in front of all those people on my way to the microphone.

--Being so nervous that I speedread the entire time and no one understands a word of what I'm saying and I run out of reading material less than half way through.

--Being such a boring reader that no one is interested in what I'm reading even though a building blows up in the first chapter. Do i do voices?!? Do I just read it the way I hear it in my head? With inflections and everything? Will that seem too much like I'm trying to be something I'm not, namely an actress? Thank goodness no one in my book has an accent! I just read a whole bunch of online stuff about how people hate going to readings only to find the writer that they liked wasn't too hot at reading out loud. Eeek.

And of course, my favorite...
--Being so nervous that I have to flee the stage for fearing of throwing up on myself or someone else.

The funny thing is I'm actually an attention hog. I like being in front of people, talking to them, telling stories, making presentations, etc. But reading to them is a different animal. In meetings at Corporate America where someone is reading to me from a document, I always think, "I can read this myself, thank you."

You'd think reading would be the easiest thing, right? You don't even have to think. Just read. But aaack. I'd much rather improvise off the top of my head than read something aloud. Some of this could also be fallout from a really bad Valpo experience in which I had to read aloud something I'd written. At the last minute, the instructor told me I needed to "act" more. There are very good reasons why I'm not an actress. And of course, the class was full of unfriendlies -- one in particular. Eeesh. I shudder just remembering it.

Plus there's the whole "what do I wear" dilemma. I have my bohemian, all black outfit, probably appropriate "in the city" clothing. But the sweater is, uh, snug. And that's the last thing I want to be thinking about when I'm reading. So, I'm thinking this may call for a new outfit. Too bad my brother's girlfriend isn't going to come to town in the next week. She and my husband picked out the pink outfit that I wore to several of my summer book signings. I liked it because it was trendy but comfy as well. Plus, it was pink!!! As a redhead, it was verboten for me to wear pink growing up. "It clashes with your hair!" But this was a nice soft pink that apparently did NOT clash with my hair. So, I'll probably have to do some shopping in the next week -- which I HATE doing -- especially alone. (BTW, Red-heads don't wear pink! is totally the title of my memoir -- I'm claiming it now.)

I'm also debating about what to do for the reading. I told them I would read The Silver Spoon and I will. But there's a natural break after the first three chapters, where it would be good to stop a reading. However, that may not be enough material for 40 to 60 minutes of reading. So, I'm thinking of taking Bitter Pill and reading a chapter or two of that. But Bitter Pill has not been published, which makes me feel a little squeamy about reading it. Like publishing is a seal of approval. Which, in some ways, is true. Publishing is sort of a seal of approval, a sign that someone else finds the book acceptable or entertaining. But everyone who has read Bitter Pill (Stacy G., Becky D., Deb, and Susan) seems to like it.

***Those of you who've read Bitter Pill, please write me or comment below and let me know what you think of this idea***

Stay tuned for more event induced anxiety. I'm going to need help from you guys. Particularly in the joke arena. You know, something to warm the audience up a bit? But I'll save that for another gargantuan entry : )

Thanks for sticking with me. I appreciate it.