New pens, paper and a cool folder-thingy...

Yesterday I was in a bit of a funk. I printed out the whole manuscript for Zara II last week on Thursday, I think. It was kind of fun because as I pulled it off the printer, I got to read little snippets out of order. And to my great relief, I actually liked a few of the little snippets I read.

***Tangent: A writer's second worst fear is that after writing a book she will go back and find that she hates all of it. The first worst fear (note my stunning grammar here), otherwise known as just "the worst fear" is that you won't be able to finish writing said book. I've come to realize, though, that no matter where you are in the process, there is ALWAYS some huge, potentially career-stopping obstacle ahead of you. If you've written the book, it's that the book sucks. If the book doesn't suck, it's that everyone else thinks it does and it will never get published. If it gets published, it's that not enough people will buy it, etc. etc. Again, is it any wonder so many writers drink heavily?!?***

But despite liking the few little snippets I read upside down as the pages were coming off the printer, I was immediately confronted with the opening chapters. I hate the opening chapters as they stand now. At least I think I do. I haven't quite had the courage to go in and read them yet. This is a problem for me. With the first draft of The Silver Spoon, I loved the first half of the book and hated the second half for a long time. It's because the second half wasn't doing what it was supposed to, and I suspect it's the same problem here. But at least with liking the first half (which ended up getting changed dramatically anyway -- Nevan originally caught up with them at the hotel and Zara was shot, minor flesh wound but still) I could alter the second half to better fit with the first half. How do you match the first half to the second half when the latter is usually the outcome of the former? Arrrrggghhh!

I wrote the existing opening chapters because I didn't know where to pick up the story. I knew what happened within the story. I just couldn't figure out the setting and the kicking off event. In the first book, it's the diner and Caelan's appearance. Some part of me is tempted to repeat that same idea but in a different way, showing how much things have changed. But another part of me thinks that's cheating, and very possibly not the right way to start the story.

And yes, yes, I know I'm supposed to be worrying about the synopsis/outline. But I can't really pull it together without knowing how everything starts off exactly. Of course, the pressure is mounting, in my mind at least, because, duh, the beginning is what sells everyone on the book. And because I feel like I can't take my time with this one the way I did with The Silver Spoon. There was a lot of time there, people, between the first draft and the last. I don't want to take that long again. But I also want the book to be right. Unfortunately, for me, right has to take the precedence over quick, though I'm willing to do it right quickly, if I can just figure out HOW!!!!!

****DELETED****

Okay, I just wrote a huge chunk of stuff about what could and should be happening in the first chapters, and crazy enough, I think it helped. I deleted it because I'm not sure that it's right and even if it is, I'm not sure anyone wants to read about it yet. Especially in the stream of consciousness form it took on.

But the entire point of this blog was to say that I went out last night and bought fresh supplies of pens, paper and organizational thingies. Sometimes when I'm facing tough editing ahead and doubting myself, I do this as a little treat to me. I guess it makes me feel like you can do anything as long as you're organized with a fresh pad of paper and any number of highlighters.

: )