It's dead bird season *shudder*

Last weekend, as I went to the window to check on the flowers emerging from the ground, my eye caught something else. A very dead bird. Feet all curled up and everything. Seriously, I nearly got sick. I cannot stand dead birds, and I hate this time of year because they're all over the place. People always assume that it's because something bad happened to me, but that's not the case. Unless you count almost stepping on a dead robin on my way to the library when I was like seven, but as I recall, I was more fascinated at that point that grossed out.

Nope, instead it's classic phobia inheritance (I'm making up that term, but it describes what it actually is--inheriting a phobic behavior) as I learned in a psych class in college. Basically what it means is that if one or both of your parents exhibit a strong fear (i.e. phobic fear) of something around you as a small child, you can adopt their behavior without actually ever experiencing anything bad happening to you to cause it. For those who've seen The Aviator, it sure seemed to me that Howard Hughes's mother was either a hypchondriac or obsessive compulsive or both and you see that behavior in him later. Of course, if I remember correctly, there might have been some cause for her obsessive bathing of him--an epidemic of some kind--but even still, she was a little over the top. Obviously there's probably a genetic component at work there too.

My phobia is inherited from one of my parents. My mom hates birds. She has good reason. She grew up on a farm with chickens. And you've heard that expression, "Running around like a chicken with its head chopped off"? Yeah, let's just say that actually happens. *shudder* But oddly enough, over the years, my fear has mutated to become my very own. My mom is not particularly afraid of dead ones more than live ones, but I am. And maybe afraid is the right word...horribly and terribly grossed out to the point of gagging might be more accurate. I react to them the way most people react to mice or snakes or really big and hairy spiders. *full body shudder*

I'm also not afraid of big birds, like swans or geese or even ducks. Seeing them dead doesn't make me happy, but I can deal without obsessing over it. Unlike say, a sparrow or a robin. I hate even writing the names! Once Snostorm cornered an injured robin in our backyard--she was off leash because the yard was fenced--and I screamed myself hoarse trying to keep her away from it. I was terrified she was going to grab that bird in her mouth and there would be wings flapping and squawking...I feel faint just thinking about it. I told my husband that if she'd done it, I would have had no choice but to leave her outside until he came home.

So, last weekend, I actually called my poor husband while he was working and requested that he perform body removal services. Immediately. Which he did (it's only fair--I do spider removal). But now every time I look out the window, I kept expecting to see it there. Hmm. I may be suffering from Post Traumatic Dead Bird Syndrome.

Then today at work, as I was walking through the glass walkway that connects two buildings, I looked over and saw another one! Dude. And it takes the facility guys forever to come and get those too. Which means I will be treated to another week or so of averting my eyes and turning my head so I won't accidentally see it. Sheesh.

Incidentally, I do think flawed characters make for great reading/viewing, which is why Monk is so much fun, The Aviator was so fascinating and the ex-demon Anya's fear of bunnies on Buffy the Vampire Slayer was so hilarious. But it's way less enjoyable in real life. Anybody else out there have phobias, inherited or otherwise?

Want ten minutes of good clean fun?

UPDATED:
Don't feed dogs grapes. After all the food warnings I've heard and obeyed(no onions because it causes anemia, no chocolate, etc.), this is a new one. So thank you to my Aunt Lynne for her comment. My vet assures me that a couple of grapes every now and then isn't going to hurt anything, but it can cause problems if they're given on a large scale. We will be putting a stop to the grape game immediately. *cringe* Oh, I'm a bad dog mommy! I had no idea, I swear...

*******
Put a grape on the floor for one smart female greyhound. The lack of pursable lips made it harder for her to get it off the floor (no hands, ma!), but she managed...after pushing it halfway around the kitchen with her snout. Which means it was probably a grape with a liberal coating of crumbs and dog hair. But she loved it, and she's learned a new word--she now comes running whenever I mention grapes, which isn't all that often fortunately. A seventy pound dog barreling into the kitchen on slippery ceramic tiles is definitely something to flinch at.

The television buffet

So last night I should have been working on editing Bitter Pill or assembling contacts for my freelance stuff or getting ready to start another round of queries. But was I? Oh, no. Of course not. My husband (probably even more so than me) and I have gotten sucked into the latest reality show, The Real Housewives of Orange County. It's fascinating like watching an all-you-can-eat contest is fascinating (and disgusting). How much can these people spend in one episode? Surely they realize buying a sixteen year old a new BMW is a little over the top. Nope. Surely the rich son of a formerly famous baseball player knows that school is important because he won't always be able to play ball. Nope. But the really interesting part is when the people on the show, not just the wives, are human and admit their mistakes or strive for a goal even us poor people understand, like trying to be a good parent or recovering from a bad divorce or developing a thicker skin against harrassment from an older sibling. Then the money doesn't seem to matter. All I can say is it's horribly addicting!

I also watched Top Chef last night, mainly because I think my husband had the remote and he fell asleep. But that was interesting too. I've long been against reality shows because they all start to seem the same after awhile and I like to be told a story instead of watching people suffer, which is pretty much the definition of a reality show. Watching people suffer (humiliation, usually)...again and again. And yet, sometimes I forget how appealing the raw emotions (well, however raw something is after being gently scripted and fiercely edited to create conflict) can be to watch.

So, I quit.

That's probably the big news. Enough people have heard me talking about it and it's finally officially official, so I thought I should probably post about it here. I've decided to take the voluntary severance package from my company.

When my uncle passed away last month, I had a major revelation about the kind of life I was living versus the kind of life I wanted to live. I wanted more time with my family, more flexibility to see them and do the things I loved. Life the way I was living it was more about existing rather than truly living. I was surviving, day to day, and squeezing in bits of happiness where I could. And that lovely method left me crying in the car--sometimes two or three times a week--on my way home from work. Not because of anything that had happened to me, but because I got the very clear sense that I was wasting my life. I'd somehow gotten on the wrong path, and I was scared to leave it because the way ahead of me seemed clear and easy if I just kept going.

I've always thought that freelance writing would be the perfect solution as it would give me the chance to earn money doing something I'm good at and enjoy, and yet, I'd still have the opportunity to live the life I wanted. Except I could never think of a circumstance in which we'd have enough money that I could try it. It takes time to build up business and bills still have to be paid in the meantime. And being self-employed would be SCARY.

But then this severance package opportunity landed in front of me. I knew I needed to make a change, I just didn't know what change to make. I looked for another full-time corporate job and found that didn't feel right. The only thing that kept making sense was freelancing. But that would be a huge shift for me and one that might not work out. What if I didn't like it? What if I didn't make enough money at it? What would we do for health insurance?

When I was talking it over with my dad, he had a few things to say that really helped me make this decision. The first was to think of life less like a test and more like a learning experience. There is no right or wrong. You get experience from everything, and once you've tried something, you can always say, "Nope, not for me."

The second thing he told me was a story, one that I think I've heard a version of elsewhere, though I'm not sure where.

A man is sitting on his porch and the floodwaters are rising. He prays to God, "Please save me." A motorboat goes by with some of his neighbors in it, and they ask the man if he wants a ride. He says, "No, God will save me."

The waters rise, and the man climbs to his roof. A guy in a canoe floats by and asks the man on the roof if he needs help. The man says, "No, God will save me."

Finally, he's clinging to the television antennae on the top of the roof and a helicopter comes by. The rescue workers in the helicopter tell him to get on. The man replies, "No, God will save me."

The man dies.

When he gets to Heaven, he's very angry with God. "I prayed and prayed for you to save me," he says, "and you let me die."

God says, "I sent you a motorboat, a canoe and a helicopter. What more did you want?!?"

Obviously, the moral of this story is that sometimes you don't recognize the solution when it's presented to you in a less than "lightning bolt from heaven" kind of way. (And this is NOT meant to be any reflection on recent actual floods, but just a plain old metaphor for being in trouble). Sometimes you just have to have faith. So that's what I'm going to do. I don't know how well this is going to work. I don't know where all the money is going to come from. All I know is I'm going to work hard to make it all come together.

And finally, to be clear, this is not me "quitting to write books." This is "quitting to do something that gives me more time to write books." More specifically, I'm setting up shop, so to speak, as a freelance writer specializing in corporate communications. I have absolutely no idea how well this is going to work out, but I figure a chance like this is rare and I should take it and see what happens. I love my company and the people who work there, but the commute continues to grow and I feel like leaving to try something that is more in line with what I want in life is the right thing to do.

So, as of May 31, I'm officially an independently employed writer. Eeek. It's scary just saying that. And I'm going to be shameless and say if you know anyone who needs corporate communications expertise, please let me know! I've got nine years of copywriting experience. I've even won awards for it. : ) A virtual portfolio of my stuff will be coming to this website soon!

I expect I'll have more time for entries over the coming months, and I'd very much like to document this experience just for myself too. It's the first time in a very long time in which I can safely say I have no idea where I'll be or what I'll be doing in six months. It's very liberating and more than a little scary at the same time. Wish me luck. : )

Know any writers or aspiring writers in the NW suburbs?

Fellow author and poet, Michelle True, has organized a fun event for local authors and writers for April 8. A whole bunch of us will be speaking at the Indian Trails Library in Wheeling, IL from noon until 4 p.m. We'll be answering questions about writing and publishing and then selling and signing our books. You can read more about it here, in the Daily Herald. Please stop by!

UPDATED:
The link to the Daily Herald is already dead, so here is pretty much the same information from The Schaumburg Review:

Indian Trails Public Library, 355 S. Schoenbeck Road, Wheeling. (847) 459-4100. Advance registration is required for programs unless noted otherwise. April 8, noon-4 p.m.: Author Festival. Twelve authors representing various genres will answer questions about writing, getting published, marketing and other related issues followed by book signings. Participating authors include Michelle True, poetry and nonfiction; Renetta Dudzinski, Christian historical fiction; Randy Richardson, fiction; Jeanette Clinkunbrooker, historical fiction; Denise Swanson, humorous mystery; Nick Ostdick, fiction; Caryn Amster, true crime; Stacey Klemstein, sci-fi romance; Jay Hurd, science fiction/fantasy; Arnie Bernstein, history/nonfiction; Sheila Peele-Miller, women's fiction; and Mishawn Purnell-O'Neal, children's books. Free.

Weird dream

To preface this, I must explain that my husband and I were in the car yesterday and we were talking about how, even though he's the more aggressive driver, I'm the one that ALWAYS gets tickets. He gets pulled over but always manages to get by with it. He says it's because I have a poor attitude toward authority figures and despite my best efforts, it shows and that's why they always give me the ticket. Maybe.

But anyway, last night, I had a dream that I was pulled over and in an effort to ingratiate myself to the police officer, I offered to give him a jar of my special homemade spaghetti sauce. Um, right. Yeah. But what's funny is in the dream, I cracked open a jar of Prego, dumped it into a canning jar with some ginger, because apparently, adding the ginger, is what made it mine. All of this, of course, transpired while I was still in the car. Handy, having that jar of Prego, canning jar and fresh ginger right there in the glove box.

Dude. I need to stop eating before bed.

: )

Libraries

I visited my local library for the second time last weekend and found myself charmed again by the quaintness of it. Their card catalog actually has cards. Most "card" catalogs are online now. Plus, they still use that machine--the one that goes "ka-chunck, ka-chunk"--to stamp dates on the due date cards inside each book. When I asked to request a book, they told me to fill out a little piece of paper with my name and number. They had no idea who had the book or when it was due back in because nothing is computerized. It's shocking how quickly you get used to life with computers at the center of it.

I'm pretty sure I was a kid the last time I was in a library like this. I loved our library in Hillsboro. They had a huge wooden circulation desk, one that I could barely see over, right in front of the doors. The finish on the top of the desk was worn and flaking off from all the book covers being slid across it. Two fake leather armchairs sat in front of fake fireplace to the left. The adult section, big, mysterious and full of thick books, was located on the opposite side of the main floor from the children's section, all the better to keep curious children away. If I remember correctly, my mom had to sign a form to allow me to check out adult books as I'd read my way through the entire children's section. In fact, the library used to call our house to let me know when they got new books in. I love small towns and small libraries!

I'm off to go pick up my requested book--I just got the call that it's been turned it. : )

Something to read

While you're waiting for me to get my act together and write a full entry, check out this interview I did with Once Upon A Romance. Connie came up with all kinds of thought-provoking questions, and I had fun coming up with answers.

I haven't dropped off the face of Earth...not yet, anyway.

Making some pretty big life decisions here these days, so my time and energy has been pulled away from the blog. As soon as I know for sure what I've decided to do, I'll post it all here. And for those who hate it when I post these vaguely ominous entries--this isn't anything bad. At all. It's just a change. And everybody knows how much I hate change. So, I've got to make up my mind which way I'm going to go on this and then stick with it for awhile.

More to follow...I promise!

Get this...

-Last night, I went to the Jewel to pick up a few things and I noticed that they had a new pin pad thingy for your credit card (because I'm weird and notice things like that). When I confessed my surprise that they hadn't chosen the model with the screen and the (annoying) pen-like device for signatures, the cashier pointed me to something better. Now, apparently, you can pay at the Jewel with YOUR FINGER. It's true. You go to a kiosk in the corner and give it all your bank info and then it takes a picture of your finger. Then, when you go through the check-out line, you just scan your finger on this little device next to the pin pad thingie and it checks it against the previously taken photo of your finger. How wild is that!?!

-Many of you know of my great apathy toward the Olympic games. I'm one of the few people rolling their eyes at the utter lack of new programming on other stations, just because said stations assume that EVERYONE is watching the Olympics. I can't be the only one who is just not that into them. Now, I find out that there's a reason why. They're not being held on Hoth. Check this out--one guy's way of trying to make the Olympics interesting again. Now this I would watch.

-Enceladusians? Enceladutians? Don't know, maybe they should have picked an easier name for a moon that has water and could, theortically support life forms that would then have to bear the name of their planet in some form. I realize that they're probably like microbes or whatever, but still. Martian is much easier. Also, yea for NASA, they made it into orbit. One of the cool things is that they'll be using this mission to look for water and possible landing sites for human exploration in the future. Neat!

Have a good weekend everybody!

Tee, hee!

I just purchased the soundtrack for Pride and Prejudice. It's such beautiful music and I remember parts of the movie just from listening to it. Oh, yeah, I think it's almost time for an intervention. "Hi, my name is Stacey and I'm a Jane Austen addict."

Yesterday, I even spent a whole five or ten minutes at lunch trying to convince my friend, Ed, to watch it. He tolerated my politicking, but I think only because I agreed to split an order of Max andErma's chocolate chip cookies with him. *grin*

No Veronica Mars or Lost tonight. *sigh* Maybe I should watch a movie. Hmmm, I wonder which one?

Just kidding. Sort of.

Ha! Actually, we have to watch The Corpse Bride tonight because I think it's due back tomorrow. I've been very good so far at returning things on time. I'm notorious for racking up late fees (five or ten dollars worth, at most, but still...), returning the movies and then never going back to that store again because we move. I'd prefer to try a different strategy this time.

I am a head case...not that you're surprised.

I got a little nibble on a query yesterday, which excited me, of course. So I immediately made all the necessary arrangements to respond accordingly. This requires hours of overanalzying every word in a letter that is probably only three sentences long. At which point, I must then freak out about everything ranging from the sturdiness of my envelope ("What if it rips before arriving to its destination?"), my signature on the letter ("Does it look too wobbly, like I was drunk?") and checking three times to make sure all materials are enclosed before sealing the envelope. This resulted in me leaving the post office (after handing over my package to a slightly worried looking woman who appeared to be a little freaked out by the chick who didn't seem to want to surrender her package--me!), fairly certain that I'd put everything in except the very important self-addressed stamped envelope required for a reply. I called my husband twice while the poor man was in the shower demanding that he check the area around the dining room table to make sure that the SASE (as they're called) hadn't slipped unnoticed out of my hands and onto the floor when I was checking my package for the fourth, obssessive compulsive time. He was not happy.

But it's sent now and we'll just have to see what happens. : )

Incidentally, I did check the area around the dining room table and found it SASE-free, so hopefully that means it made it into the big envelope!

P.S. Hi Susan, if you're out surfing the web when you're supposed to be studying! : )

Mrs. Darcy!

Stopped by the video store last night after they didn't have a single copy of Pride & Prejudice in on Tuesday night. They were still all out! But then the manager saw my obvious distress and went to the drop-off box outside and found a single copy. And oh, my, it was soooooooo good. I was a little reluctant to see it when it came out in theaters as I was (and still am) a huge fan of the A&E version with Colin Firth. But this one is good. Really, really good. As in, "I'm stopping by Target tonight on my home to buy my own copy" good. That last scene...I get chills just thinking about it. Keira Knightly did a terrific job. And I loved the way they show so much more of the Bennet family. As I said to someone else today, living back then probably sucked what with the much shorter life span and no feminism to speak of, but it might have been worth it to be married to Mr. Darcy and live in Pemberly. : )

Walk the Line is also an excellent movie. I can see why it received so many nominations. Not one I'm going to own, but it's definitely worth renting.

A short entry today as I'm swamped at work and I'm still preparing materials for the class I'm teaching on Saturday at the Arlington Heights Memorial Library, Building A Believable World. I'm excited, but just a little overwhelmed at the moment with my "to do" list.