No Lunch for you!
Okay, so I didn't get a lunch break today. So, technically, I'm not breaking my word...I'm just bending it a little. I had a meeting instead, while I ate my lunch, and then I left that meeting for another two in prompt succession.

And as I sat there today, listening to people talking with a great deal of enthusiasm about their work, I wonder what they're thinking. Like, do they really like their work this much? Or is it just an act? Sometimes, I feel like a pretender among them. Don't get me wrong. I like my job, as much as one can like a job (enforced activity for pay, which is needed to survive. There is something inherently unlikeable with that set-up). And I want to keep my job. But it is a job to me. I work at it for money. I take pride in my work and try to do my best. But at the end of the day, this is not what I'm thinking about. I mean, I don't get a big goofy grin on my face when I contemplate my next project the way I do when I think about the release of my first novel (yea! insert dopey grin here). More often than not, new projects are greeted with a sickening twist in my stomach. Will I get it done in time? We've been shorted so many days already. What pitfalls and frustrations await me?

All of this, so that at the end of it, I have a finished piece that I don't really care about except that it's done and can no longer trouble me. I mean, I'm usually pleased with the piece, as much as one can be by the time multiple layers and lawyers have had their say. But if you offered me the choice between having that finished piece (along with the pitfalls and frustration that accompany its creation) versus not having the finished piece (or the pitfalls and frustrations), I think I'd take not having the piece. Unlike writing a book. In that case, the frustration and pitfalls, as painful, tearful and gut-wrenching as they can be, are all worth it. They will always be worth it for the moment of holding that finished book in your hands. Or, so I think. I haven't actually held my finished book. And I already think it was all worth it : )

So, sometimes, in these meetings, I look around at everyone arguing strenously for their point of view and the "right thing" to be done and I wonder how strongly do they truly feel that passion. If they feel it as strongly as they seem to, perhaps as strongly as I feel about my book, I think they're so fortunate. To have found a job that you care that deeply about and are willing to commit such hours to is fabulous. And on top of it, loving your job is socially acceptable. More than acceptable, in fact. It's expected that you should love your job or be looking for a new one.

It's a lot harder to convince someone that you have a job but your true career, your true passion, is one that you work at in the off-hours and hasn't made you much (if any) money. And your job is just the way to support that passion.

I suppose that's the downside to having a day job. But I don't know if I'd like not having a day job entirely. Sometimes I do need to stop thinking about whatever I'm working on and let my subconscious tumble things around a bit. And I don't think I could take the pressure of knowing that what I write has to make the mortgage payment possible. I think I'd feel a lot more pressure to do what everyone else thinks should be done rather than what I feel is right. And I do have a pretty cool day job, as far as day jobs go : ) People all over the country see my stuff, even if they don't know that I'm the one writing it. And as I've mentioned in previous blogs, I'm not sure I could change jobs to something that wasn't writing related, like being a dog-walker. (Have you ever noticed that in all the novels where a woman finally walks away from a high-powered career that she has hated silently for years that she becomes a dog-walker or starts her own dog-walking business. Either these women saved a hell of lot better than I have, or there's a load [pun intended] of money to be made in dog walking)

Okay, this venting session brought to you by a very bad Thursday. I think honestly that I haven't been writing as much in my blog lately because I've been trying to censor myself, now that I know people are reading it. So screw it, I'm going to write what I want...please don't hate me : )

All hate emails, as well as those regarding continuing employment should be directed to sklemstein@msn.com...uh, no, that's sclemstein@msn.com, yeah that's it.

Talk to you tomorrow.