I have my freaky traditions with writing. I would say superstitions but there is usually logic behind them. For example, I can't talk about a writing project while I'm working on it. If I tell the story or even the idea of the story, the desire to write it goes away. Also, the whole thing about facing west...which turns out is not about the direction but about getting good doses of sunlight into the room where I'm writing. There are very good reasons for that too.
But I'm baffled by this one. I have a terrible time writing, full out writing, long hand or on anything other than my computer. I write on my computer, a laptop in the morning, on whatever project I'm working on. Once, before The Silver Spoon was published and I was working on yet another draft and feeling very frustrated, I started writing at night in bed on my AlphaSmart (a portable word processor). I felt like I was really sneaking too, as I'd never worked on two projects simultaneously before. [total sidenote: I thought I was being really sneaky, waiting until my husband came to bed and went to sleep before I even started typing. He never said anything about it. Until one night he woke up while I was still at it and said, "Oh, no, not the typing again!" So much for sneaky!] The weird thing was, it helped me concentrate because I wouldn't get so freaked out about one or the other. I'd worry alternately about one or the other instead of concentrating all that worry power on one project. I wrote the entire first draft of Bitter Pill at night on the AlphaSmart in like a month. No joke.
But here's the thing -- every time since that I've tried to use the AlphaSmart for writing (instead of just keeping notes), I bottom out miserably. I hate everything that I write, not that I always love it any other time, but it seems worse than usual. But I really WANT to use the AlphaSmart to write. It's light, sturdy and can go with me anywhere without all the equipment that a laptop seems to require. Plus, it's pretty inexpensive so I don't freak out every time I bang the carrying case into the wall accidentally (yes, I am a klutz) as I do when it's the laptop.
Lately, based on some advice from one of my online writing groups, I've started taking it to work with me so I can squeeze in writing time over lunch and on breaks. So, I really, really want to write with it. I mean, really write so I can use my time more efficiently. Since joining one of the online writing groups, I've found out that people who truly want to write will find time to do it. They won't make excuses about not having the right equipment or peace and quiet or even a desk. So many of them write at kids' soccer practices or waiting the doctor's office for an appointment. I want to be one of those writers. I mean, I take notes all the time. Jot down bits of dialogue here and there. But I want to be able to make progress on a project, regardless of circumstances. Otherwise, it's going to take me forever to get to the place I want to be (an author first, then whatever else I do to support myself financially). Plus, I worry that if I can't do this now with relatively minimal distractions, how will I ever do this when/if I have kids?
Maybe it's just one of those things that you can't do until you have to. Maybe my subconscious is sabotaging me because it knows that I don't *have* to squeeze in extra writing time, I just want to. Maybe NaNoWriMo would be good for curing this ill. Maybe not.
Sometimes I just do not understand myself at all : ) But I want to be clear. I'm not complaining. I love writing and I will take it anyway I can get it. And there are far worse things than not being to use a laptop word processor to be more effective. I'm just confused. And wondering if I'm doing it to myself or if I should just accept it and let it go...
Talk to you tomorrow.
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WOW!!! At last somebody who goes through the same things I do. How weird is that? I bought an Alphasmart because everybody kept telling me it was perfect for writing anywhere, at anytime, ever... And, I try. Man oh man, do I try. I've sat down in front of that thing, crack my knuckles, pop open the screen and stare at nothing. I just don't know what it is.
I've written stuff on there but, it's all garbage...in my mind leastwise. Nothing looks good, it reads like a fifth grader wrote it and I'm just not sure why. Maybe because I'm one of those who likes to edit as I write, and let's face it...an alphasmart does not a good editing toy make. (Little yoda in there for ya. ;)) Maybe it has to do with the drab screen, no bright lights to keep your attention, no nothing. I practically have to force myself to use the sucker, my husband gets so mad at me because, while it wasn't expensive, I haven't exactly gotten my money's worth out of it. I sure wish I could get over that, would make writing a whole lot easier.
Oh, and I totally feel you about wanting to be a more productive writer. I've been known to go a whole month without doing a thing..(mainly when I'm on vacation, but still, I'm sure other author's wouldn't let that phaze them) sigh. I just don't know what to do with myself sometimes. I think it might have to do with the fact that writing, though we are pubbed, isn't at the point where there's deadlines to meet and expectations to rise to. You know? Or is that just me? Which makes me sad when I think of it for to long, I have a buddy who can knock out a full length novel in 2 weeks! Yes, you heard me right. 2 weeks! I know because I crittered the whole darn thing. Now why can't I do that? I guess for some of us, we write at our own pace, and maybe if we stop forcing ourselves to sit down and write something, anything, we'd have a more productive writing schedule. At least I hope so.
Anyhow, this post has gone on long enough. :) Just glad to know that somebody else out there understands, really understands, the woes of being a writer.
Linda H.
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