Sex on the page...

The conference I attended this weekend was meant to be for, I believe, romance and murder mystery writers. So, they had a panel about how much mystery should be in your romance and how much romance in your mystery, etc. I attended because I was curious about how to define Bitter Pill. (It's a mystery, incidentally, because the main plot revolves around solving a crime instead of Rennie's love life, which is a secondary plot thread.)

But the conversation on this panel devolved into a discussion about sex and whether or not it belongs on the printed page. Which disappointed me--I wanted more of a discussion about blending the two genres--and as a card-carrying member of the RWA (I don't actually carry it, but I do belong), I was really disheartened to hear some of the negative views on this issue.

This is not to say that sex "on-scene," as they say, is by any means required of every love story, but by the way some of the authors were speaking about it...you'd think that showing sex between two characters in a loving relationship was akin to depicting incest or some other major taboo. But they claimed to be blending the two genres.

(On-scene, by the way, means to me you get details of the act. Not every thrust, so to speak, but who kissed who and where -- and I don't mean the kitchen *wink*. Off the page, in my definition, is where you get the lead up--some kissing at the bedroom door, for example--and the morning after--snuggling in bed.)

I was so disgusted by all of this, I actually started taking notes. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Keep in mind these are authors who were on the panel because of their tendency to blend mystery and romance.

Here are a couple choice quotes:

-"Sex scenes are boring. I'd rather kill someone off."

-"I don't find sex that interesting to write about."

-"If you feel the need to write a descriptive sex scene, fine, write it. Get it out of your system. Then delete it out of the book."

-"There are groups of us who are always complaining, 'Oh God, I have to write another sex scene.'"

First, before discussing this any further, I am compelled to say that I am in no way advocating gratuitous sex scenes within a novel. That's not right either. But it seems to me that if it's natural and you as the writer/reader feel it's necessary, it shouldn't be avoided just because it's a sex scene.

All novels have a tone to them. Some are light-hearted, teasing, flirtatious. A detailed sex scene would probably stick out like a...sore thumb (ha, you don't know where I wanted to go with that!). I get that. In most of Meg Cabot's books, the sex occurs off the page, and that's fine. It's fitting with the tone and voice of her books.

But if you're writing a detailed, show-every-drop-of-blood-and-every-bit-of-brain-matter mystery and you decide to include a sex scene, but off the page, then you're cheating the reader. You've said, I'm going to be detailed about the nasty, violent nature of human beings, but not *gasp* the loving side. Why? Because some people might not like it and you're afraid of what they might think? Because writing about murder for a living is far more acceptable that writing about love or sex?!? Because you're uncomfortable with the idea of provoking that kind of reaction from readers? Because they might actually enjoy reading that kind of thing?

I also understand that sex scenes are EXTREMELY difficult to write well, which was another author's point. But I also think that if I went around telling people that fight scenes are difficult to write (which they are) and therefore, they should be left out of a story, people would look at me like I was crazy. And they'd be right. You can't avoid something just because it's a difficult bit of writing. You have to learn how to do it better. The story deserves to be told the right way -- no leaving the difficult parts out.

I wrote a detailed sex scene for The Silver Spoon. And there are a couple more in the draft of Zara II. And yeah, I blushed when I did it. Even closed my eyes while typing at one point because I felt like I was spying on the characters. Regaled my friends with the details of what it's like to actually type the word "nipple" on your screen repeatedly. Worried about what my friends and family would say when they read that scene (God willing, my father never gets that far in the book). But the story called for it, so I wrote it (I'm not, by the way, saying I wrote the best sex scene ever...far, far from it). If I was going to include the kind of sexual tension that Zara and Caelan have, I thought it was cheating not to include the moment all of that came to fruition.

I've also written books without it. In Bitter Pill, the unresolved sexual tension is extremely strong (at least, I think so) between Rennie and Sheriff Bristol, and they are fully clothed throughout the entire novel! But I expect when it happens in a future book, if it happens for them, you're going to see the moment for yourself. That's only fair. Otherwise, it's just being a tease. A writer letting his or her own fears dictate the bounds of the story. Writing, to me, should be as transparent a process as possible.

I don't think I would have reacted so strongly--I walked out, something I've never done before--if these authors weren't on this panel to discuss blending mystery AND romance. I expected some of the panelists to express this rather Victorian view of sex on the page, but not all of them. It was an extremely unbalanced panel and very frustrating for me to listen to. If Kelley Armstrong, for example, had been invited to be on this panel (perhaps she was and declined, I don't know), I have the feeling she would offered another point of view. Laurell K. Hamilton, had she been there, would have had them blushing. *grin*

Finally, to the female author who said that sex scenes are boring, so she doesn't like to write them, I have just one thing to say...you're doing it wrong. If you've got characters who feel strongly about one another and the sexual tension is really snappin', sex scenes are ANYTHING but boring and you are REALLY missing out on one of the finer experiences of being a writer. *cheeky grin*

End rant.