"Grow" this...

I've been working on a project for my day job now that consistently uses the word "grow" in a manner that makes me want to scream. So, in the spirit of small irritants being exaggerrated and spread round to irritate a much larger audience, I thought I'd share....

Grow. It implies a natural process. You grow crops. Your children grow up. Grow weary or you grow old.

You do not "grow" your business. There is nothing natural about business growth. It is planned, strategized, manipulated and pulled into existence. If left alone with no effort from you, your business would not develop on its own. A weed grows.

You can't "grow" your savings. I wish it were that easy. A little sunlight, some water and weeks later, you have a fully mature account. It doesn't work that way.

I've saved the worst for last. You can't "grow" your nest egg. I mean, seriously. Eggs do not grow. I realize that it's a metaphor for savings, but still. Eggs do not grow, they hatch. The very idea of nest egg is a definable amount put aside for the future. In the sense of savings, maybe you can add to your nest egg. But it does not grow!

Oddly enough, I have no problem with a slight reversal of these sentences. It doesn't bother me to say, "My business is growing." Or, "My nest egg is growing."

But I just HATE it when people talk about growing something that is not alive! Life must exist for growth, right?!? Plus, I think in most of these cases we're talking about an action that requires work, not a natural process by any means. Now, I'll grant you, growing crops takes work too. But it is work to enhance an already existing natural process. My savings account will not grow, nor is it designed to grow, unless I actively put effort into making it that way.

Build is fine. You build your business. You build your savings. Hell, I'll even go for building a nest egg, which is completely wrong. But not grow!!!! Please, I beg of you.

Another one that I frequently hear around here -- marry. I'm okay with it like this, "The 2005 model is a marriage of style and convenience." But not like this..."Marry up style and convenience in the new 2005 model."

Marry up? Like nouns are suddenly 18th century social climbers? Style's mother always told her to marry up so that's why she picked Convenience, also known as Lord Wentworth!?!

Oh and don't even get me started on...
-laddering up
-templatizing
-granular
-vetting
-gut check
-and many others that I can't recall off the top of my head...

Anybody else out there hear corporate jargon that drives them CRAZY?